


It's Better Off This Way

by behindskylines (deanlovessammymorethanpie)



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Detox, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-11
Updated: 2013-10-11
Packaged: 2017-12-29 03:36:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1000412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deanlovessammymorethanpie/pseuds/behindskylines
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My Chemical Romance has just lost their drummer, their lead singer is detoxing, and Frank realizes something important on the set of I'm Not Okay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Better Off This Way

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on January 12, 2009 on livejournal under the name himmerethwen (an lj username I used previously).

Gerard was shaking. Could feel the vibrations starting from his stomach and radiating outwards. He was filled with too much coffee and not enough food, but the idea of eating made his stomach twist angrily. The fingers that held his cigarette were trembling, and he put it to his mouth, taking a deep drag and attempting to blow some smoke rings. It was too windy, and the smoke burned his eyes as the wind changed.

“Hey,” Frank said, as he sat down next to him on the stairs. If Gerard squinted, he could make out the shape of Ray’s hair, far by the door of the building, halfway hidden by a camera and Marc Webb. Mikey was gesturing to something on a small screen next to them, and Bob…Gerard didn’t know where Bob was.

He handed Frank his pack of cigarettes, and watched as he shook one out, taking the lighter up from next to the coffee Gerard had been nursing for an hour.

Frank’s words came out as smoke as he glanced at Gerard. “Brian was looking for you a few minutes ago.”

Gerard blinked up into the sun for a moment and sighed. “Yeah.”

He didn’t say it. He didn’t have to, because Frank knew that Gerard knew. He knew that they were all keeping tabs on him. Like they were afraid he would sneak off and find a seedy bar down the block and fall off the wagon and into a crumpled heap on the side of the road. Like he used to.

Gerard took another drag from his cigarette and picked up the coffee cup. There was still about half an inch in the bottom, long turned cold. Gerard upended it and swallowed the last of it, unflinchingly. 

Frank turned to him, and watched as Gerard scratched the side of his neck, the back of his hand, the knee of his costume pants. He was jittery, and Frank could feel the tension coming off of him in waves. Gerard was so sure that he was going to fuck things up.

Marc looked up from where Ray was pointing at something on the script, and caught eyes with Gerard. He held up a hand, which could have been a wave, or a reminder that they had 5 minutes before the next scene started. Gerard wasn’t sure, but he still put out his cigarette and stood up, wavering slightly on his feet. He held out a hand to Frank to help him up, and if Frank noticed it was sweaty, he didn’t say anything.

*

Frank sighed, and looked around again. It was getting late, and being around a high school for two days had long since triggered all of his old defensive mechanisms. He didn’t realize he was hunched into his jacket, fingers nervously playing with the end of his tie until Gerard leaned down, and took it from him, pulling him closer with the fabric.

“Oh, yeah,” Frank sighed, as Gerard tugged him in with his tie, kissing him lightly on the mouth before letting him go. Frank whined, and latched his arms around Gerard’s neck, pulling him down for another, wetter, kiss. 

Gerard kept his hand on Frank’s cheek as they pulled apart, his eyes wide and dark.

Frank could definitely get used to kissing a Gerard that tasted like cigarettes and coffee, instead of beer and whiskey. Feeling a tremor race down Gerard’s hand, he took it in his own, and kissed his palm. He looked up into Gerard’s eyes, and remembered their first kiss.

It was raining outside, out in the streets, and Gerard had just finished helping him pack away his guitar, wrapping the cords wildly around his big hands, and shoving them into Frank’s backpack. He hefted the case up, and turned to walk out of the venue, toward the van, when Frank put a hand on his arm, and stopped him. Gerard turned with a question in his eyes, wondering if he had forgotten something. His face was tired, but he had this excited, fucking jubilant look in his eyes. Frank didn’t even think about it before he fell lips-first into the kiss. The guitar case knocked against his shin, and Gerard whimpered out a small noise as he dropped it, winding his arm around Frank instead.

They were both sweaty, and kinda rank, but neither of them cared. It took Mikey coming back to see what had happened to pull them apart, and promptly the rule was made that no one could kiss Gerard in front of him. And the corresponding one that stated that Gerard couldn’t kiss anyone in front of him either (Frank tried). The list grew to include ‘no van sex’ later, when Ray and Matt found out.

And that had been the only discussion about it. They fell into a routine, and the best part was how natural it all was.

Marc called Gerard’s name again, sounding a little exasperated. Finally, he pulled away from Frank, a small apologetic smile, and a promise in his eyes.

Frank stepped back, almost in awe. It was the first hint of a smile that Frank had seen in weeks.

*

It was the last shot of the day, and Frank just wanted to lie down. He was on Gerard Duty last night, and instead of sleeping, they had sat on the bed while Gerard rambled and sweated and swore and chain-smoked and fidgeted and tried desperately not to think about the fact that it was 5 o’clock somewhere. 

The scene was the first one in the video. Mikey claimed it was his favorite because Ray was basically going to be calling Gerard a loser the entire time. He hovered near the monitor, watching the action with a practically gleeful look on his face. 

Frank stood nearby too, watching as Ray listed off the reasons that Gerard was lame. Gerard’s line surprised him (which it wouldn’t have, had he read the script), but Frank preferred it this way. It was more organic, when Gerard insisted that he didn’t want to make it. 

Still, Frank knew it was a lie. If there was one thing in the world that Gee wanted right now, it was to make it. It was to hold true to his promises to each of them, and to himself. He wanted to get better, to be better, for his band. 

On the last run through of it, after Gerard said his line, and cut himself off at the appropriate time, the word that couldn’t be uttered out loud entered his mind. “Survive.” Frank thought.

Gerard looked at him then, cutting his eyes to him like he could read minds. And shit, Frank didn’t know…maybe Gerard could. But still, Gerard smiled. He smiled the grin that Frankie called his own. 

The world shifted back into place.

Gerard would be okay.

They would be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thanks for reading! <3


End file.
